Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Butterflies

BIG. GIANT. HUGE. Butterflies. The ones the size of Texas. In my belly. They are so big they barely fit and are now stuck. in. my. throat.

You may wonder why I am being overwhelmed with butterflies. You see, I just got an email from March of Dimes. WalkAmerica is just around the corner. Last year our team Heaven's Hope raised over $1000 dollars. We were the Top New Team in our city. I recieved a letter congratualting us on a job well done. I was also asked if I would consider being the ambassador family for 2005. I thought about it, and with alot of support of family and friends, we decided that we would love to share our story. What was I thinking!? I love March of Dimes, I love WalkAmerica, I support them in memory of Ashlyn and in honor of Haley. I want to share my story, because sadly there are many just like mine. But. I just don't know if I can do this. The part where the butterflies starting growing out of control was the part where she said, " I definitely would like for you to speak at WalkAmerica about your experience and at the Kickoff." Thats where the butterflies lodged in my throat. Speak? I knew I had to speak..but am I ready? Can I speak in front of so many people and talk about my girls, talk about how I went into labor so early..and we did all we could..and we lost the fight with Ashlyn, and we watched Haley beat all odds.

The magic of medical technology tremondously helped my daughter. March of Dimes funded research which lead to surfactant therapy to treat respiratory distress syndrome in 1985. Both my girls had surfactant. Without it, we wouldn't have Haley. We don't know why I went into labor too soon. The only reason I was given was "twins", and with Easton, the only reason was, I had a previous preterm pregnancy. One of MOD's main focus right now is finding the cause of premature birth, so many cases go unknown, like mine, and no one else is working harder then March of Dimes to find the cause. I will try my hardest to help support them in this search. I would like to have an answer as would many other parents.

So yes, maybe I can tell my story. Maybe with my husband by my side and my little miracles at my feet, we can tell a room full of people that through heartache, determination and prayer, we survived. Haley survived against all odds. Ashlyn will live on in our hearts and through our story. And as a friend said, "The Lord opened this opportunity for you, NOW just finish walking through the door"...I think she is right. This is something that will be wonderful for us to share.

I am sure I will find the strength and courage when the day comes. But for now, you get to hear of my panic attacks and butterflies that are eating at my stomach! What goes on in your mind and what you think you can do and what you actually have to do are two very different worlds.

You can click the link on the right and it will take you to our WalkAmerica Website :)

4 comments:

Sarangeti said...

I'm so sorry about Ashlyn. Being a new reader to your blog, I didn't know. But I DO know that sharing your story will help many, many, many other families.

Sending you a hug of support! :)

Traci said...

Congratulations Bree! What an honor! Although the butterflies will be numerous, remember the reason and hopefully those butterflies will 'fly' away!

Mrs. Flinger said...

Oh, Bree! You're so good at telling your story. I've read it a couple of times and I know writing is very very different than talking, but you're still wonderful at putting your heart into words. When and where are you speaking? I'll go check their site, but thought I'd ask. If it's in town, I'd love to go. You will do a wonderful job, just be yourself and this is a fantastic way to share Ashlyn's story with people who might not get to read it on your site. Her soul keeps living the more you share her. Sounds like she is the butterfly you get to release into the world. :-) Hugs to YOU!

Erin said...

I couldn't put it better than Leslie... :)

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